Eight days has already passed by in this New Year - 2018. For me, Advent and the the days leading to the New Year are often days of deep introspection of my life in the year gone by 2017 and the year that lies ahead 2018.
We will welcome new friends and say goodbye to dear ones. Sadly, I learnt that a very dear friend in Singapore, an ex-colleague of mine, had finished his race on earth as a pilgrim on 05 January 2018. I will now only see him in the memories of my heart. Yet, the last time I visited Joe Lim at his home in June 2017, he was very positive despite his long battle with cancer. Joe had no more regrets, he had made his peace with God and most of all, in his last few years, Joe lived his life with holy joy. He was proud to proclaim, "I am a Catholic!" and that he was definitely ready to return to God. There was great serenity and peace that radiated from Joe's face. His will was to live the Will of God. He told me that one of his greatest joys was sharing his life's testimony at a Divine Retreat in Singapore in 2013. I know it greatly touched many Singaporeans hearts because of his honesty in sharing about his life. It took immense personal courage. I know I cried listening to his testimony. It was so powerful as Joe gave witness to the Power of Jesus in his life.
 |
| Joe Lim on extreme right with his daughter Jean during Christmas 2010 Visit to Divine Girls Home |
When I got the news regarding Joe's demise, I was first filled with sadness. We were not close when I was his colleague in the same company. He seemed rather quiet and at that time our age difference also played a part. I was in my mid-twenties. Neither of us knew we were Catholics because we rarely spoke of our faith at work unless we were asked directly. We became good friends when I helped coordinate the first 5-day Divine retreat in Singapore in 2010.
When I look to what 2018 and hopefully what the years ahead hold for me, that is what I would like my identity to be, "I am Catholic and I am Alive". I hope my life will exemplify the mission Jesus has given to me while I am here on earth. We are all pilgrims. Our final journey is to our Eternal Home in Heaven. I still have personal mission goals I have always felt called to since my first retreat in 1998. Have I fully answered that Call of God? To be honest, the answer is not yet. It is something, if we look really deep into our hearts, many of us will probably feel so. Does that answer mean we have failed God? I do not believe so - otherwise my nearly fourteen years of full-time ministry would have been a waste. God's Time is very different from our human time-frame. So what did Jesus teach me in my quest to live as a Catholic should - as God wants me to?
First of all, it is to change my heart and my mind from one of my human will and human goals- to a heart and mind trying my best to do God's Will. For that, each one of us must be willing to go through difficult times, to experience what St. John the Cross and Saint Mother Teresa spoke of "the dark nights' of the soul", to honestly accept and do our best to overcome our human weaknesses/failings. All these inner transformation of our heart and mind has taken all these years for me and will always be ongoing. Over the past 4-5 years, some close old friends have said they have seen a very distinct change in me. It seems, I am more at peace and more reflective and calmer about life. When I was first told that, I would joke that now I am becoming like many of the Vincentian priests and my lay friends who are serving here in Divine Retreat Centre finally - having that peaceful Divine look! On a serious note, I know the changes God has made in me and I am truly thankful to God.
I was seriously trying to discern what I am being called to to do in 2018. The answer was actually what I felt very deeply in my heart and mind while I attended the Annual CALLED...GIFTED...SENT FORTH 2017 Retreat for Priests, Religious & Lay Leaders in Ministry here in our retreat centre from 30 July - 04 August 2017. It was to have courage to do what was needed to answer the call that Jesus had so clearly placed in me as a clear vision and vocal call I felt deep within my heart in Singapore - just one week after my first Divine retreat in 1998. Until today, it remains extremely vivid and I am reminded a few times every year in prayer. When my lay friends and I have shared about God's Call to each of us, the one thing that scares us is the lack of security when one is a lay person to serve in full-time ministry. In fact, another question is also, "How do we balance our work life and ministry life?" Serving God is a commitment. It is not only about serving when one is feeling good and happy. It is never easy but if we turn to God, we will know the answer when the choice we make brings us the kind of inner peace that cannot be explained in human words. No one can give us the right answer - only God can!
The answer in my heart during the retreat last year was, "What are you waiting for? Who are you waiting for? I am with you, Susan. Do what I want you to." To be honest, I actually fell very ill immediately after the retreat and eventually after 4 days being bed-ridden, I ended up spending 5 days in hospital. So the last 2 days in hospital, I began thinking of the fragility of my own life. Would I be alive next year? if so, would I be ready like my friend, Joe to happily march on to Heaven's Gate one day soon? I knew in June 2017 when I visited Joe that it was likely the last time I would see him. It was just a strong feeling and the time we had together stayed in my mind. He was one friend who had always encouraged me to serve full-time in India. It really encouraged me that some one who knew me strongly believed what I was doing mattered. Yes, it is a very human feeling but even in ministry, one needs affirmation once in a while just as we do in half-yearly and yearly reviews in the workplace. It helps to spur us on.
The answer in my heart during the retreat last year was, "What are you waiting for? Who are you waiting for? I am with you, Susan. Do what I want you to." To be honest, I actually fell very ill immediately after the retreat and eventually after 4 days being bed-ridden, I ended up spending 5 days in hospital. So the last 2 days in hospital, I began thinking of the fragility of my own life. Would I be alive next year? if so, would I be ready like my friend, Joe to happily march on to Heaven's Gate one day soon? I knew in June 2017 when I visited Joe that it was likely the last time I would see him. It was just a strong feeling and the time we had together stayed in my mind. He was one friend who had always encouraged me to serve full-time in India. It really encouraged me that some one who knew me strongly believed what I was doing mattered. Yes, it is a very human feeling but even in ministry, one needs affirmation once in a while just as we do in half-yearly and yearly reviews in the workplace. It helps to spur us on.
Well, the good news for each of us is every day that you and I are alive is a great blessing for us to live Jesus' Call. It is about our every day life as well as other special call God places in each of our hearts. God is so amazing - He gives a unique call to each of us. We do not need to compare ourselves with each other. As St. Mother Teresa says, "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today." I want to live my faith so that I can hopefully be a light to others around me: especially those who may not know Christ or have not had a personal God-experience yet. If I can share the great joy within me that I am a Catholic with others, then I am alive for Christ! I have to always keep the fire burning in my heart to fully answer God's Call - to never give up.
The years ahead -2018 and beyond - are going to be challenging as I answer God's Call to serve "outside the box" if I have to. To not be within the comfort zone of my nearly 14-year ministry. It is to be like the Apostles before - to venture to new avenues of evangelization as per God's Call. It is about a deep need to pray and discern and not to be afraid. To dare for Jesus and to accept the joys and at times the setbacks or disappointments in my ministry efforts. Being a Catholic is accepting gracefully the crosses you and I will inevitably face. Jesus said, "If any one wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow me." (Luke 9:23)
What is important to remember iare the many assurances the Word of God promises each of us - you and me. Below are a few that mean a lot to me personally:
"Do not be afraid - I am with you!
(Isaiah 43:5)
"I alone know the plan I have for you, plans to bring you prosperity and not disaster,
plans to bring about the future you hope for."
(Jeremiah 29:11))
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
(Philippians 4:13)
"For nothing will be impossible with God
(Luke 1:37)
The Lord, My Guardian
(Psalm 121)
On 30 December, a mission I had spent a lot of time over the past 3 months did not materialize. For about two hours I was really sad and defeated. And then I remembered something I have heard so many times during the talks in our retreat centre - "Nothing happens that is not according to God's Plan." So I literally spoke this words out in my room, "Here, Jesus , please take this failed mission effort. It is Yours now. I tried my best." Then I took an hour's nap and focussed on other mission efforts. It was not really a failed effort because I learnt some very valuable insights which will help me and all others involved in our future efforts. Jesus will definitely show the way when it is in His Time. What did I gain personally? It is getting to know lay Catholics in a different country who were/are willing to promote evangelization efforts. It is an amazing joy to know that there are lay Catholics who are committed to bring Christ to others. No one is willing to give up. They have started praying and planning for new mission efforts. On my part, I continue to pray and believe that God's Call will always happen. It is to never give up and to remember, "For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised." (Hebrews 10:36)
When we look at our own personal lives, are we sharing the joy of our Catholic faith with those closest to us - our family members and friends? Often, they are the hardest to share our faith with. Why? Well, because they know us so well from childhood or our younger days. I know what I was like before my personal God-experience. The kind God wanted to spit out of His mouth, "So you are lukewarm, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of My mouth." Revelations 3:16)" Well, it takes courage to share our active Catholic faith with others. There can be fun and non-threatening ways. One of my sisters started a chat group among the siblings where we learn through interesting fun questions about our Catholic faith or just from the daily readings or some reflections. All of us try to ask and answer the questions and it is great as we learn from each other. I love this WhatsApp chat group! We try to come up with interesting Catholic faith questions in a fun and joyful way. It works a whole lot better than trying to talk seriously about our faith as God calls each of us in a special way - it is not a case of one size fits all especially in my family. For my special-needs nephew, we share YouTube Christian hymns with lyrics as he loves to sing. So there are always ways to share our Catholic faith with our loved ones. It helps brings us closer. We also have a Prayer chat group so we can share prayers that we can pray together or for our personal needs. This has definitely brought my siblings and I closer to each other and to God.
It is important that we are open to find ways to share Christ with those around us. Let us not forget to have personal prayer time daily and to help celebrate the Holy Mass daily.
The YouTube video at the top of the post is an uplifting hymn, "I AM CATHOLIC...I AM ALIVE", the 50th Anniversary theme song by the Archdiocese of Mumbai for the 38th International Eucharistic Congress that was hosted in Mumbai in 1964.
It is a touching hymn that I pray, speaks to the heart of every member of our Friends of Divine Network, to joyfully exclaim from this New Year "I am Catholic and I am Alive!"
From all of us in Divine Retreat Centre, we thank all of you for your constant support, prayers and encouragement for the Divine-Potta's mission efforts in India and across the world. We are all God's Family!
Wishing you and your loved ones a Most Joyous, Blessed and Fulfilling New Year 2018!
This post is dedicated to my dear friend, the late Joe Lim,
who has inspired me in my faith journey!
